a "friendly" game of monopoly

when a "friendly" game of monopoly enters the battlefield, all players must sacrifice 2 permanents,
then must cut their life in health in half, rounded
up. All creatures have double power, half
toughness, rounded up, have haste, and all players
must attack with at least one creature on their turn.
"NO! HE'S IN JAIL. I'M NOT PAYING
MONEY TO A CRIMINAL"
"THAT'S NOT HOW YOU PPPLLLAAAYYY"
-The odd1'sout