Alyosha, Guardian of Chaos

Flying
{2}{u}{b}{r}: Shuffle all hands and all nonland
permanents except Alyosha into a single pile,
then split it equally and randomly between all players, starting with you. Each player must then
put all permanents from their pile on the battlefield under their control, and all other
cards in their hand.
Wait, what?!?!?!?!?!?!