Armageddon

Armageddon cannot be denied or circumvented.
Half of all player's lands are destroyed, rounded up. The remainder only give colorless mana.
All creatures take 5 damage and get -1/-1 every turn and toxic 1. All players take 20 damage and get 8 Nuclear Waste counters and 4 poison counters. Every 3 turns, everyone gets a nuclear waste counter and a poison counter, unless they pay {c}{c}{c}{c}{c}{c} for that turn. You are not exempt.

And all lived happily ever after...