Armed Cat

When Armed Cat enters the battlefield, each player says "Ow." You do not have to tell them this, and if they don't say it, you gain 173,927,912 life.
If anything or anyone tries to destroy Armed Cat (including blocking) yell "THY CAT IS APON THOU!" in a deep voice. Then take your cat and throw it onto the table. Any cards that aren't yours it touches, are ripped into peices.
Cat must stay on the table during play. If it leaves the table without anyone touching it, you win the game.