Bruce Almighty

+2: Gain 10 life, except if an opponent says "I like-a do da cha-cha.", in which case you gain 3 life.
-3: Up to three target creatures become too irritated to attack, and thus become tapped.
-14: If Morgan Freeman is anywhere on the battlefield, Bruce Almighty becomes an indestructible 8/8 God creature for four turns.