Dachy, Toxicity's Vessel

+1: All creature you control get +2/+0 until and end of turn and laugh at your opponent. Smork. (Creatures you control must attack.)
-2: Sacrifice you're most useless creature and remind your opponent what BS this game is, then draw 2 cards. Smork.
-7: Get an emblem that says: "At the beginning of combat, Smork, then give creatures you control +2/+0, untap your creatures, and Smork again."