Deadpool

+2: Grab a nerf gun and shoot target opponent in the face (oops!)
-3: Step 1)Take this card off the table. Step 2)Flip table. Step 3)Pronuce yourself as the true king of Pluto and shoot target player with nerf gun
-5: do whatever you want (It's your life so have fun! Also, why is there a squirrel on my card? What the heck?!)