Dick, the harbinger of chaos

Yoink—{3}: This card gains X+1/+1 where X is equal to the amount of +1/+1 counters distributed this turn.

Fuck you—{3}{r}{g}: Create X amount of 1/1 red spirit token creatures with haste where X is equal to the amount of power/toughness this card possesses. This card reverts back to a 1/1.