Don, Augmented Chipmunk

Don, Augmented Chipmunk's power is equal to
X, minus half your age, divided by the amount
of players in the room, plus three, minus one,
plus half your life total minus three, times the
amount of creatures in target opponent's
graveyard, if this number exceeds 18,
divide it by half, rounded down, minus one.
"Ugh, my head hurts" - Tolarian Scholar