Dr. Xanzibar

Hexproof
{1}{t} Roll a 20 sided die and choose target creature. If 1/20, indestructible. 2/19, Hexproof. 3/18, Deathtouch. 4/17, Vigilance. 5/16, Lifelink. 6/15, -100/+50. 7/14, creature can't attack or block. 8/13, destroy creature. 9/12, Exile creature. 10/11, put creature into your hand.
{2} Untap Dr. Xanzibar.
Flavor text you say? What flavor? I hope it's Neapolitan!