El Guapissimo

{t}{g}{g} His schlong grows by 2 inches, increasing his power by 2.
{t}{u} This creature declares any creature or planeswalker his girlfriend, bringing the target to your side
"His mere glance impregnates, and the breath of his passing is enough to send most into what can only be described as a euphoric seizure"
"What shall we do?"
"There's only one thing you can do. Stare in slack jawed wonder."