Feed the Llama

At the beginning of each player’s upkeep, that player creates a Bureaucracy token.
(It’s a colorless artifact with {3}, Sacrifice this: Hold a meeting. Nothing happens.)
Creatures can’t attack unless their controller controls exactly two Bureaucracy tokens.

If a player controls more than two Bureaucracy tokens, their creatures are placed on a PIP and don’t untap during their controller’s untap step.

“We’re optimizing headcount for maximum inefficiency.”