Futanarus Thrallmaster

•When Futanarus Thrallmaster enters the battlefield, gain control of all creatures equipped with artifacts named Phallus Futanarus for as long as you control Futanarus Thrallmaster.
•At the beginning of your upkeep, put a +1/+1 counter on each creature you control that's equipped with Phallus Futanarus.

"The mushrooms do not speak. They simply decide."