Harold, the Butthurt

This spell can't be countered.
Whenever an opponent causes you to lose more than
1 life, you gain 1 life.
Whenever an opponent causes you to discard >1 card,
you may put a card in your graveyard into your hand.
Whenever an opponent causes one or more of your permanents to be destroyed or exiled, you may
create a 1/1 colorless Doofus creature token.
Whenever an opponent causes you to mill more than
1 card, you may shuffle 1 card from your graveyard
into your library.