I'mma Firin Mah Lazer!

Target creature gains +X/+X unblockable, indestructible, and hexproof where X is over
9000. It's controller must shout "I'mma firin mah lazer" as loud as he or she can or else this card does nothing. In fact, just rip it. Rip it in half. Because whoever is dumb enough to use this card and NOT ACTUALLY SHOUT THE PHRASE has no right to even look at this card, let alone think about it, or play Magic! The Gathering,...or exist.