Jake's Wish

Flash, Hexproof, Indestructible
Creatures you control have haste.

I'm Sorry! — Whenever you commit a crime, add {r}{r}. If you apologize for the crime, instead lose 5 life.

Play To Win — You don't lose lose unspent red mana as steps and phases end.

When this enters or at the beginning of each upkeep, sacrifice it unless your name is Jake Vitanza and today is your birthday.