Kyle, Crypto Keeper

At the beginning of each opponents upkeep, they
insult you X times, where X is equal to the
number of unique artifact tokens you control.
At the beginning of your upkeep, all artifact
creature tokens you control gain +X/+X, where
X is equal to the number of times you were
insulted since your last end step.
"It's too late kid, you're already minted to the
blockchain."