Marvin, the Crowd-Pleaser

{w}{r}: Flip a coin. If it lands in your favor, creatures your opponents control block Marvin, the Crowd-Pleaser this turn if able. If not, sacrifice a creature at random.
{u}{b}: Flip a coin. If it lands in your favor, Marvin, the Crowd-Pleaser must be the target of all spells that have one or more targets until end. If not, sacrifice a creature at random.
"I am a professional, don't try this at home."