Meme Goth text

Deathtouch, ward {2} Other Spiders you control have deathtouch and ward {2}. Whenever another creature dealt damage this turn by a Spider you controlled dies, create a token that’s a copy of that creature, except it’s a Food artifact with “{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this token: You gain 3 life,” and it loses all other card types.{flavor}Christopher, my son, did I ever tell you the full story of Shelob? You know, the monstrous spider - descended from vile Ungoliant! - which I used to read aloud of in our Oxford meetings of the Inklings? Well what I didn’t mention back then was Shelob could also transform into a totally hot babe: all pale and dark and wan like Rebecca in Ivanhoe or what will later come to be known as the goth subculture. In fact she looked very much like the pornographic actress Stoya who will be born 13 years after I die. Christopher, I will be entrusting you with my estate. If there is ever a videogame adaptation of my work you must make sure they get this Shelob right- make sure she is what the Anglo-Sanons would have called a hæda ecge, a real sexy bitch.