Mr. Worldwide Advisor

ETB, make a card list.
*/* is equal to the number of cards on your list.
Horsemanship, Protection from wife (you wish!)
SPLIT PUN, (cannot be countered, exile all grocery list)
Affinity for VISA, Mastercard, PayPal.
{p/b}{p/g}{p/r}: Get any card from anywhere. Spend only real money this way.
{p/u}{p/w}: Empty target wallet and/or max out credit card.