NOKIA Phone - The Inevitable

Whenever an opponent talks, exile their hand.
Whenever an opponent moves, exile their library.
Whenever an opponent breathes, punch them.
Equip: {0}
Whenever an equipped creature becomes tapped,
throw a solid object at your opponent.
For the remainder of the game, if your opponent
needs to get picked up by an ambulance, deal %1 of
your opponents life in damage to each opponent,
100 times, without stacking the percentages.