Pedro Pereira, the Judgmental

The Gaze — {t}: The enemy must explain their
life choices to Pedro. If they can't, draw a card.
Sea of Ejaculation — {2}{u}: At the start of your
upkeep, scry 1. If you control a creature named
Jess, scry 2 instead. (Because doing "bolinha
vermelha" things in the middle of the sea
requires some foresight.)
"Eu e a Jess fazemos coisas de bolinha vermelha no
meio do mar."