Phil Swift, Flex Devil

{t}Card named Flex Seal or Flex Tape and deal 300 damage to all of your opponent's creatures. {b}{b}{w} Take your opponent's entire deck and give them in consolation a Black token artifact card called The Boat that Flex Seal didn't Fix. {x}Scry from your and your opponent's deck an amount of cards equal to {x}.
"Hi, Phil Swift here from Flex Tape! The super strong waterproof tape THAT WILL DESTROY YOUR MIND AND BODY! HAHAHAHA!"