Phil Swift, Flex Seal God

Hexproof, indestructible, haste, vigilance, flying,
and trample.
{5}Saw this boat in half: Target player loses half of their life, and sacrifices half of their permanents, rounded down.
{5}A lotta damage: Phil Swift, Flex Seal God, deals 25 damage to each opponent and each creature they control.
"Every planeswalker in the multiverse trembled among witnessing his power"- Shaggy Rogers