Phil Swift, Meme God

+1: Cut target card you control in half. Flex-tape that card back together. This card now has twice its original power and toughness.
-1: Flex-tape two cards that you control together. The card's power and toughness are both 9. This new card has all abilities of both cards.
-15: Deals 10 damage to everything not under your control (including players). If this is to kill Phil Swift, draw 3 cards.