Simon, The Dicktator

Menace; deathtouch (Due to it's potent ass-ripping, this creature is following by a deathly gas aura)
{5}{t}- Fire Employee:
Choose target opponent to fire from the game. Opponent may refuse, but Simon the
Dicktator counters with an unblockable kick to the balls. Opponent remains fired and adds a 1/1 depressed counter to themselves.
"I tried to tell you Quadient was a bad idea"