Technical Recruiter

Whenever a player would cast a spell, they exile it and submit a resume instead. (Make a list of that card's abilities and three made up ones and exile it facedown. Then, whenever a permanent dies, its controller selects a resume at random and clashes with all players, including themselves. If they win all the clashes, they pick a resume ability at random. If it matches the card, the player may cast it as though it has Suspend 2 — {0} i