The 30 Year Old Chef

If this card is in your opening hand, then you
may cast it for free before the game begins. When
the 30 Year Old Chef enters the battlefield, all
opponents must sing Happy Birthday to anyone
named Dan Turtle.
{b}{2}{t} Players named Dan Turtle may set their
starting life to 30. If they do, that player becomes
the monarch. Activate if it that players birthday
and they control their commander. Exile this card
and return it to the battlefield transformed.