The Carcinizator

{p/u}Target permanent loses all abilities and becomes
an X/X Ancient Crab where X is its converted
mana cost. If X is less than 1 it instead becomes
a 0/2 Ancient Crab with"{t} Add {u} to your mana
pool"
If you targeted a permanent you control with this effect give it +1/+1 otherwise, give it -1/-1
"Nature's work in good time? I say it's
been time enough."