The Mad Alchemist

Menace, Hexproof
When any creature attacks, create 1 apple token. Sacrifice and choose:
{1}Give creature haste UEoT
{2}Give creature lifelink UEoT, add 2 +1/+1
{3}Your creatures gain +1/+1, proliferate 2
{4}Give creature Vigilance and First Strike UEoT
{5}Play card from discard, it has haste -
Discard at end of next end phase and draw 1
"Where's my wrench?"