The Puffy Shirt

When The Puffy Shirt enters the battlefield,
attach it to target creature you don't control
and tap that creature.
Equipped creature does not untap during its
controller's untap step, it can't block, it can't
attack, it can't be sacrificed, and its abilities
can't be activated.
Kramer: You're gonna be the first pirate!
Jerry: I don't wanna be a pirate!