Turncoat Narcissist

During target opponent's upkeep, you may Exile Turncoat Narcissist until the end of the turn. That opponent gets a 1/1 Agent Provocateur blue and white creature token with Haste and "All creatures able to attack this turn, do so," and "When this creature leaves play, it deals 1 damage to you." Exile that creature token at the end of the combat phase.
"Equality matters. But since no one cares about reducing the number of male suicides, how do we get those female numbers up?"