Uncaring Growth

Enchant Player
This can only be cast on yourself.
Flash.
Set the Scale.
Valen. (Creatures or Players with Valen cannot have their scale decreased, cannot gain -1/-1 counters, cannot lose health, be destroyed, or be exiled, or returned to your hand, you cannot lose the game, your opponent cannot win the game, and that spell cannot be countered. Any spells that would trigger any of these effects instead decrease the caster's scale by 500, decrease their life by 500, and give all of their creatures -5000