Your Father, The non-existent.

{t} Opponent gains a -3/π token creature named
drunken father, who gains a +8 3/17
strength and +5 4/84 toughness if there is a female creature on your team.
Once one player dies, drunken father and one female creature
become tapped until π.87 turns have passed.
Then a 1/1 child token comes onto the battlefield, and drunken
father and child join your team.
(Drunken Father keeps his enhancements though).