Wastemaker

You may only play this card if you health is below 7 or one of your opponents has three times as much life as you do.
All lands on the field and in everyone's hand. exile, and graveyard are now wastes. Each player's creatures are now 2/2 Waste corpses. They can't attack or block.
On the day we are forced to use this, the Eldrazi will have already won. On that day, Zendikar will become a forgotten plane.